Silence
by hollyhobbit101
Summary: Sam can't let himself grieve, not yet. Tag to 12x21, There's Something About Mary


**A/N: I did it! It's only a few hours until the finale airs but I did it! I didn't like this episode much, but fortunately I have inspiration so let's go!**

* * *

He's looking at her and all he sees is another friend gone, another friend he failed to save. They've been in this position so many times that it almost feels natural to be standing in the morgue with Dean by his side and a body in front of him. Only this time it's anything but natural because this time they know whom the body belonged to, were laughing with her just a few short weeks ago. It doesn't help that this is straight after Alicia died as he watched, helpless to do anything. He failed her too.

* * *

He can feel Dean's eyes keep flicking up to watch him as he scans the report, and Sam wants to work the case like normal, except this is anything but normal and he can't drag his gaze away from her pale face and the wounds marking her neck and chest. He had liked Eileen. She had been a skilled hunter and a good friend, always willing to help out. Maybe a part of him had loved her, but he knew that he would never be able to settle down, not even with someone who understands the life. He studies her and, even though the evidence is in front of him, he still can't believe that she's really dead, and is half expecting her to call him to give him another lesson in sign language. Jody's voice plays through his head again and he closes his eyes in an attempt to block out the memory.

* * *

 _You hear from Eileen recently?_

 _I'm sorry Sam. Her body's been found in the middle of some woods in South Carolina._

 _Mauled by a wild animal. But, Sam... They don't have the kinds of animals that would do that over there._

 _I'm sorry._

* * *

A wave of rage and grief wells up and threatens to overwhelm him, and he has to resist the urge to hit something. She was supposed to be in Ireland. She was supposed to be _safe_. Dean watches him with a mixture of sadness and pity in his eyes and Sam can't stand that so he brushes past his brother and goes to wait in the hall because he can't look at her lying so still like one of their normal vics for a second longer. Dean follows him out, but before he does Sam promises himself - promises _her_ \- that he will found out who did this and he won't stop until he does.

* * *

Four days. Four days ago she had been alive, and scared out of her mind because those British sons of bitches could not let an innocent mistake go. Four days ago she had written them a letter asking for their help which they weren't able to provide and two days later she was dead. They could've - should've - helped her. They should've known the Brits wouldn't just leave her be and they should've made sure she was okay instead of just letting her go. Sam had failed her, and he has to force back tears as he reads her letter. He won't let himself grieve, not yet. Only when he's alone will he let go and only when he's alone can he cry and yell and throw things until he has nothing left to give. For now, he has to push on and push it all back.

* * *

He wants so desperately to pull the trigger when Toni so callously admits to killing her. Maybe it wasn't her per sé - more likely it was that bastard Ketch - but she's one of them so it would be a start. Call it payback for the torture she inflicted upon him all those months ago. His finger twitches briefly, but he exchanges a glance with Dean and knows they can't afford to lose the leverage. As Toni continues to talk, he can see his brother white knuckling the wheel and he almost laughs. Dean'll have to flip him for it when the time comes.

* * *

They've invaded his home and it's the final straw. He nods minutely at Dean and, by silent agreement, they attack, and Sam rejoices in finally being able to release the anger that's been building since he got that phone call. This is for Eileen and maybe it's not what she would want, but Sam is past caring. They killed her without mercy, so now he is just repaying the favour. With every man that drops, with every bullet he fires, Sam remembers her and he knows this is right.

* * *

 _Bang!_

A blood sigil and a gold blade and eyes like fire.

 _Bang!_

Heavy breaths after a hunt and a silent exchange of thanks.

 _Bang!_

Her laugh coming over the video as he royally messes up a sign.

 _Bang!_

A wide smile as they relax in the Bunker.

 _Bang!_

Her hair soft under his fingertips as he holds her against him in comfort.

 _Bang!_

The last time he saw her, waving goodbye as she drove away to catch her flight back to Ireland.

* * *

Sam smiles viciously as he and Dean face off against Ketch and his men. They took her from him, and they're going to keep on taking if they get away, so, if it's the last thing he does, Sam is going to stop them.

* * *

 **A/N: I know I took some liberties with Sam's actions, but it worked better this way. Can you tell I'm still bitter over Eileen? Well, it's 11pm where I live, I have an exam tomorrow morning and I'm exhausted, so I'm going to sleep now. I hope you enjoyed this and please leave a review if you have a moment! Bye!**


End file.
